Wednesday, April 13, 2005
My Story.. "It's over.."
I was wide awake. I laid on bed and tried to get back to sleep again. For minutes, I tried to get to the best position possible but I my eyes remained opened. In the darkness, I squinted to see the time on the air-con controller. It was 6.25am. It was early and it was the first time in months I woke up so early. I can never fathom why I get up automatically during 'special' times. It's not like I felt nervous, anxious or anything. No point trying to sleep again, I thought. I needed to get up anytime soon.After I washed up and brushed my teeth, I packed necessary things into a paper bag. I went downstairs to wait for my parents and I was surprised to see my grandmother. It really felt good receiving a hug and kiss from her. She comforted me not to worry and it definitely felt good. =)Soon, I was already in the car on the way to the hospital. My dad took a different route this time to avoid the morning jam. It felt like an extremely long journey and I realised the route it took was far longer than the usual....Before I knew it I was in the ward at bed 18. I had to wait for a nurse to come to wheel me to the operation room. I knew it would take ages because there were sure to be delays. So meanwhile, I continued reading Dave's Pelzer's My Story to pass my time. As I was reading, it somehow made me stronger. I began to think of how fortunate I am to have such a good life. Although I may have problems, there are so many people out there suffering a so much worse fate than me. I should be thankful for all that I have. I may have to go through 3 operations but looking at the bright side, I am glad I still have my 2 legs. Whereas some people can't even walk.I received a call shortly. "Hi Cher, how are you? Take care and good luck for your op!" It was my bro saying in a cheerfully funny tone. It was nice that he called too. I know he cares. My eyes then told me it was time to sleep. I couldn't stay up and wait anymore.. my soul then drfited away..........I dreamt of funny little things. I couldn't remember anything except for one part that I dreamt that I was actually blogging. It felt so real. I couldn't remember exactly what I wrote for the start but I remember the second paragraph saying, "I am bored, sleepy and yet scared..." And then a voice woke me up to my senses.A nurse came and wheeled me to the 'land of horror.' I have been there twice and again, my wheelchair was 'parked' at the usual spot. The last two operations were still fresh in my mind. I just waited there. I hate waiting. Waiting for family, waiting for friends, waiting for exams, waiting for anything else is far better than waiting for 'death.' But I knew God, my family and friends are all with me. I wasn't scared or afraid. I was actually looking forward for everything to be over.The time came when one of them wheeled me in to the-death-room. On the way, I saw many sofisticated equipments and machines along the corridor. Some I have never seen before my life as if they were imported it from aliens of another planet. The-death-room came in full view. It was the place I dreaded going in. Everything in it made it look so freaky. Anyway, this time round, Dr James Hui was already inside together with his accomplices. "Ok Li Ling, quickly and let's get things started." I laid down as he asked a few more questions about my knee. At that time, I was freezing and felt my whole body shivering. I tried my best to withstand the cold. Then I felt pricks on my hand here and there. Funny stuffs put near my chest.. and then came that 'oxygen mask.' I felt drowsy as my eyes soon shut and I knew I was soon going into a deep sleep......."Ms Tan Li Ling... Li Ling........ Are you ok?"I soon zapped back into reality and I tried hard to open my heavy eyelids. I replied with a dry voice and shut my eyes back again. I felt so sleepy and every now and then, nurses would call out to me or they would come to take my blood pressure.I felt pain in my knee but I wasn't worried about it anymore. I was just happy to know, it's over...
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